I don’t know every Aspie, but it seems a lot of us struggle with touch in one form or another. And if you struggle with the over-stimulation of touch already as an Aspie, post-partum intimacy is something that may take a little time for you to build back up to. So today, we’ll be discussing that “taboo topic” that is post-baby sex and how to get back into the swing of things. This may be an uncomfortable topic for many women to discuss–but it’s more uncomfortable to NOT discuss it!
Your significant other may want to be intimate again after delivery, but for some of you the sheer thought of it may be as appealing as a root canal, and equally scary. Although it IS possible to get pregnant relatively shortly after you have your baby, nature has basically set your body up to be as unfriendly to sexy time as possible right now. It’s still depleted from pregnancy, and it would be risky for it to start growing another child right away. You may get so little sleep that you don’t feel like it, then you’re constantly being laid on or yanked on, and you may not be making enough of those lovely hormones you need to have your previous libido. Not fair.
Your doctor will likely tell you to wait 4-6 weeks to resume having intercourse. But don’t feel bad if you end up needing a bit longer–it took 9 months to get to this point, it actually takes months to fully recover. Go slowly as you feel like, you delivered a whole human being into the world, and you have every right to wait until you’re ready to be frisky again–or stop if you’re uncomfortable.
When you’re ready to try, here are some suggestions you may find helpful:
Firstly, make sure to let your other half know exactly what your body has been through, especially if they weren’t in the room with you when you delivered. Did you tear? Do you have healing c-section trauma? Strain some muscles? It helps them be more understanding if they know what you’ve survived, how it feels to you and WHY you’re not feeling up to it–and that you’re not just “rejecting” them. Using illustrative analogies (“Imagine how you would be afraid of friction if your _____ tore?”) may also help.
This helps nourish the connection you have with your partner, even if you can’t do “the deed” yet. This is a great expression of your continued love for him!
Hey, even if you’re not the romance-novel reading type, have a look at some of those “juicy” books with graphic sex scenes that you may have read as a teen. It could help you get into a mood you thought you’d never have again!
I know, you’re not going to get enough. But the best time to try may be when you’ve had as much as you can get. I don’t know about you, but if I am tired enough I will recoil at any kind of touch, even if it’s just an attempt at a gentle hug.
Teehee!! I feel like a naughty-minded 12-year old again. Use a lot. If you think you’re using enough, use MORE. One which has a cooling/menthol effect may be helpful in numbing any tenderness.
Every person is anatomically a little different, so here is an article with some moves to try that may work for your individual post-delivery condition: Best Sex Positions Post-Partum
I know, it sounds about as sexy as making a doctor’s appointment…but scheduling lovemaking can be surprisingly helpful. It gives you and your partner something to look forward to, gives you plenty of chance to get “in the mood”, and ensures that you make time for each other regardless of the crazy schedule right now. Find a day or time that you both agree on, and if it doesn’t work out, have a back-up time/day planned.
Be in the Moment
When your libido is raring to go and you feel ready, take advantage of this! It may happen at an awkward time, but if you want have a go at it, let your partner know!
I’ll re-iterate that you CAN get pregnant as early as a few short weeks post-delivery, and even exclusive breastfeeding is not 100% effective at preventing it. Here is a source which explains it more thoroughly: Natural Child Spacing & Breastfeeding
Also check out this link, which explains when you need to start watching for the return of your period (and using your preferred birth control method).
Have you experienced any intimacy issues post partum, or have some advice for those who do? Let us know with a comment below!
Image by Prawny on MorgueFile.com