5 Thoughts You Have While Falling Off Your Deck

 

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My deck…with a broken rail

Every now and then, I start to think that I’m oh-so-smart and might actually sort of…have it together.

Then, I have a moment of profound stupidity that humbles me down to a reasonable level. Nothing has triggered more of these moments for me than the rite of passage that is motherhood. Maybe not even when I was a hormonal teenager who broke three DVD players in a row. As an Aspie with her head in the clouds, I can be horribly unobservant, and I’ve always managed to be creative at maiming myself too. I’ve cut myself on cardboard, managed to knock an actual chunk out of my eyeball with a ruler, tumbled down steps in a goth Halloween costume, and recently accidentally drank hydrogen peroxide thinking it was water. But this last moment takes the cake.

While hubby was gone, I was out on our deck a few days ago, baby-proofing the wooden railing by securing some woven wire fence to the posts–leaning over the posts due to the awkward angle it took to attach it. This system worked fine until I leaned over a post that was attached by an idiot…less than expertly.

An unexpected *crack* later, I was hurtling head-first toward the ground 8 feet below.

In the .07 seconds it took me to hit the ground, I had just enough time to think some frenzied thoughts that went a little like this:

OH SHI–

Well that was stupid.

Will I live?

Maybe I’ll get lucky and just be paralyzed.

Or break something. Never done that before. I’ll cross it off my bucket list.

*THUNK.*

The most horrifying thought was, that wee one was standing by the rail I had just broken through. The second I was aware I could actually move, I hauled butt back up the steps and yanked her away from the railing. God was surely looking out for us–she was too short to fall through the opening, and somehow I ended up with nothing but some bruises, a scraped thumb and a very sore tailbone.

Folks, I learned my lesson. Don’t do ANYthing even remotely risky without a responsible, driving adult home. Hubby has since re-secured the post (whoever built the deck used screws only about half an inch long), and I won’t be leaning over things that can’t support my weight again. Hubby would like to add that if you ever have any safety-related projects to tend to…don’t put them off!

Sooo, surely I’m not the only one who needs some parent-proofing! Got any parenting blunders/survival stories you’d like to share? Share them below!

 

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